by Katie Arons

When families live far away from one another, the holidays may be the only opportunity that long-distance caregivers and family members have to observe their aging loved ones personally. Family members who haven't seen their loved one since last year may be in for a shock at what they see and experience; a natural desire to close one’s eyes, turn the other way, pretend like everything is as it used to be. It’s ALWAYS hard to be faced with seeing and interacting with decline in our friends, but especially family members.

With pregnancy, one has several months to prepare...longer if you are planning for it. But with our aging loved ones, it’s different. The revelation that this individual may no longer be the independent, capable person you have seen as a pillar of strength and support over the years often hits you unexpectedly. You may have pondered the thought that they will eventually slow down and need some assistance. You could have contemplated that you will be involved with that assistance. However, you cannot predict when that inconvenient truth will surface. You cannot predict, but you can prepare so that it is not an inconvenient truth, but just life’s next steps. As a pregnancy book can guide you through the stages of development, enlisting a guide to help you best navigate the stages of the aging process can create peace of mind throughout the journey.

I write this article as a family caregiver and a senior care professional in hopes that you will keep your eyes wide open this holiday season. The following sections of this article include what things you should be aware of and some local resources that can support your efforts to be there for your aging loved ones.

• Be aware of subtle, yet obvious changes in your loved one's emotional well-being. Take note for signs of depression that may include loss of interest in hobbies, sleep patterns, withdrawal from activities with others, lack of basic home maintenance or personal hygiene.

• Pay attention to their surroundings. Your loved one may have always been a neat freak, or a stickler for paying bills on time and you notice unsafe clutter, an overflowing hamper and piled up mail. Yes, you desire to give them respect as an adult, but part of that may now come in the form of YOU supporting them with some run-of-the-mill activities of daily living that are no longer easy tasks for them to accomplish.

• Watch the way your parent moves, and in particular how they walk. A reluctance to walk or obvious pain during movement can be a sign of joint or muscle problems or more serious afflictions. And if unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling, a serious problem that can cause severe injury or worse.

• Weight loss is one of the obvious signs of declining health. The cause could be based on physical or emotional factors and sometimes medications. Low levels of energy will often result and cause them to no longer be capable of accomplishing some of their basic care needs.

• Notice how much water they consume daily. Dehydration, a serious condition for anyone, is often overlooked, because coffee doesn’t count as a hydration beverage. Encourage them to drink water and use the restroom frequently during the early parts of the day when they are more alert and often have more energy. This may help them to have less restroom trips during the night.

• Observe how consistently they take their medications daily. Notice the refill dates on the bottles. Look around their home and notice if you see any pills on the floor or sitting idly on the counter or next to their favorite chair. Over and under medication can be a huge problem, and is often the culprit behind what may be signs of decline such as cognitive impairment (confusion, memory loss), unexplained drowsiness, mood swings, falls, or other harmful interactions between drug.

• Bring your listening ears with you. Choose to not judge, react or criticize their current lifestyle circumstances. If your loved one is living in unsafe conditions, it’s time to involve all the family and friend caregiver gameplayers. Our initial instinct often is to react, which puts everyone’s life on high alert. 

If you can take your time assessing and talking over what you see with other family members, trusted friends or resources so you will best be able to process this strange, new, reality and respond appropriately. If they are living in a dangerous situation you should react to eliminate the danger, so you can have time to respond with a plan. Involving your loved one in creating a plan for their increased quality of living, safety and dignity is key. As family caregivers our primary goal should be to help them live safely in a supportive environment that provides peace of mind for all parties involved.

Local Support Service Options

Using a hired caregiver agency for immediate in-home support may be an option, like Anderson’s Caregiving Agency in Dana Point. They can provide help with companionship, transportation, cooking, light housekeeping, bathing, dressing and grooming. If you notice that you can create a safer living environment with a few in-home safety devices A-1 Home Health Supply in San Clemente is a great resource for equipment and device ideas. They have an occupational therapist on staff to assist you. Creating a long-term care plan is the ideal strategy. My team at Next Step Senior Care Inc, who are also based out of San Clemente, work as care coordinators to guide families to create long-term care plans, facilitate family care meetings, provide home safety assessments, establish In Case of Emergency in-home care support guide books, find supportive assisted living and board and care homes all with a focus on educating you on how to best help your aging loved one navigate life’s next steps. 

Download a Checklist to Assess Daily Living Needs at www.nextstepsco.com.